Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Academy Awards are a goddamn joke.

Every year the Academy nominates a list of seemingly random films and film-related persons to shower with grossly inaccurate hyperbole and rabid, fanatical adoration.

But anyone with three active neurons inside of their skull knows that this award show has no basis in realty. No. In actuality the Academy Awards are an annual farce, specifically, a reality TV show where no one in Hollywood nor most of the viewing public, have any idea their being punked.

But believe us dear reader, you are being punked.

The 79th Academy Award Nominations are as follows:

BEST PICTURE: Babel, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, and The Queen

BEST DIRECTOR: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Babel,) Martin Scorsese (The Departed,) Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima,) Stephen Frears (The Queen) and Paul Greengrass (United 93)...

BEST ACTOR: Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond,) Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson,) Peter O'Toole (Venus,) Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happyness,) Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

BEST ACTRESS: Penelope Cruz (Volver,) Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal,) Helen Mirren (The Queen,) Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada,) Kate Winslet (Little Children)

Let's start from the bottom and work our way back up; Best Actresses. Penelope Cruz was nominated because no one in the Academy can speak Spanish. Or Read. So they pretty much assumed she gave a great performance because there were great tears and great tits.

Actually, Elite Opinion seconds this nomination.

Let's see who else... Judi Dench is old and scary, Maryl Streep is old and scary, Helen Mirren is old, sad, royal and scary and Kate... well who cares, Jennifer Connelly was robbed. Connelly is like the new Demi Moore. Only bushier.

Best actor. Leonardo DiCaprio, for Blood Diamond.

What. The. Fuck.

Did anyone actually see this movie? Clearly no one from the Academy bothered, because 12 seconds into the trailer for Blood Diamond- your head will explode. It's as if God himself came out of the sky and spoke to you, detonating your melon with the unbridled fury and thunderous majesty of his holy voice.

Only it wasn't god's voice that caused your cranium to erupt, it's DiCaprio's accent.

Elite Opinion will now go on record to make the claim that Leo's accent in Blood Diamond is


You could replace all of the contestants on this year's American Idol with all the contestants in this year's special Olympics, and the resulting unholy warbling, eye-rattling noise that those little mongoloids produce would be a BLESSING compared a single, lone syllable uttered in DiCaprio's Blood Diamond Accent.

It is that bad.

And who the fuck is Ryan Gosling and how did the Fresh Prince shimmy his way into this list?

Best Director. Scorsese is a hack. Frears made a movie so horrifically boring and pointless that the UN wouldn't let it be shown in Abu Ghraib because it would violate international torture mandates. Greengrass is a despicable whore bartering human misery and suffering for cash. Alejandro's best movies are behind him (Amores Perros IS a fantastic film.)

And then Eastwood is of course, the man. Clint gets the E.O. vote.

And finally, Best Picture.

Babel - At least it wasn't goldengirls or dreambabes or whatever the fuck that Ray-knock-off with boobs was.

The Departed - This movie has more good actors than every other film released this year, combined. But Scorsese is still a hack and to prove it, watch Infernal Affairs, the movie Marty remade in all of his hackneyed glory. The city of Boston should ban everyone involved with this flick for butchering the easiest accent of all time. DiCaprio's done it again!

Letters From Iwo Jima - Best of the bunch.

Little Miss Sunshine - Not nearly as dark as it should have been, ultimately predictable and too tempered with the need to deliver a heart warming message. Thanks.

The Queen - How did this even make it into production? Miramax ... wha?

SO it's clear that the 2006 Awards are as absurd and inane as the preceding years of the show. And thank god. Because if anyone out there in LA could see half-straight the world would spin off its axes and fly off into the sun.

And if you saw The Queen this year, that would probably suit you just fine.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Elite Opinion says that sometimes, dreams really do come true

So if you're into fantasy literature or any sort of literature...ingredients labels, license plates... whatever, by now you should know that George R.R. Martin isn't just a big deal, he's the whole deal.

The man is internationally acclaimed as the single greatest living author of fantasy.

And we're not disputing.

So when HBO bought the rights to Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, you could pretty much hear every nerd on the planet shit his or her pants. And that's because if there was ever any hope that Martin's series could be faithfully transfered onto the screen, it would have to be through a channel like HBO.

Variety reported yesterday that series is to be written and executive produced by David Benioff (the moron who produced Troy) and some dude named D.B. Weiss. You can find the complete article here.

And you can read Martin's own announcement on his site here.

But let's take a look at the logistics of this announcement and play a little Good News , Bad News.


-HBO has the best programming on the planet. Period.

-This will not be an abridged version. At least not massively abridged; every book is being portrayed throughout one full season of the show. That means 12 eps for a book at about a full hour each

-Martin is a huge fan of HBO and has hailed many of its shows as the best on TV. And he's right. So this guy knows his shit. (Martin's called Deadwood the best show on the air - and where else have you heard that claim..?)

-This is one of the few instances in which an author's works are being adapted to screen- while the author is still breathing. This tends to cut down on the raping of one's works. Theoretically.


-You probably spend more money grocery shopping than HBO spends on their shows.

-David Benioff shouldn’t be allowed to produce skits at summer camp, let alone another epic period piece. (How do you fuck up The Illiad?!?)

-The production on the first season of this show will probably run at least 2-5 years.

-D.B. Weiss is – uh. Wait, who the fuck is D.B. Weiss?

-George is writing one script a season. Yippee.

-Just because HBO bought the rights to this show, doesn't mean it will ever see the light of day. All too many projects get past the bidding table, but never onto the screen.

-George spends most of his free time eating pizza, going to comic conventions and touring... let's just say there's an Olympic sized death pool in full effect...

And finally, there is absolutely, positively, no chance in a fiery hell, that this series could be half as good as the books. Of course, even still, it'll probably be one of the greatest TV shows of all time.

Ultimately few literature adaptations are as exciting and laden with raw potential as this.

Grab your chainmail Timmy, cause kids, this is the big one.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

2006: The Music

Yaaayy! Rise and shine twinkle toes.

Oh Lord Jesus, it's finally here. Elite Op's 2006 Music in Review.

Of course, 2006 started horribly. The first half of the year was dominated by evil, fetid bubblegum folk pap that seemed to multiply like a weeping venereal disease across the surface of music’s genitals.

But fortunately the latter half of the year came packing antibiotics.

This year Elite Op is going to give you several different lists instead of one grand top 10. We here at Elite Opinion realize that even among Elitists there is no one master-list. So we’ll give you a handful of lists focused in several different interests, you can decide which suits you best.

I mean really, who else can you trust?

Below you will find the following 3 posts:

1.) Elitist .45's Best In Music

2.) Resident Metal-Snob's Best In Music

3.) Dirty Frank's (Resident Indie-Pop Snob's) Best In Music

And remember, if you don't like what you read, this guy says you don't love freedom.

Elitist .45’s 2006 Best In Music

Being Elite Opinion's Editor-In-Chief requires a nearly inhuman dedication to more than any one single genre. And at the close of every year the result is a uniquely well-rounded compilation of Elitism spanning all of today's most virile and powerful music mediums.

If you buy an album that was released in 2006 and it's not on one of these lists - you have no one to blame, but yourself.

And remember, God hates people with bad taste. Remember Aids and World War II...

The best in Post-Rock:

1. Jeniferever - Choose A Bright Morning
2. Hammock - Raising Your Voice...Trying to Stop an Echo
3. Laura – Radio Swan is Down
4. Jakob – Solace
5. Gregor Samsa - 55:12

The best in Pop:

1. Mute Math – S/T
2. Tiger Lou – The Loyal
3. Code Seven – Dancing Echoes/Dying Sounds
4. People In Planes - As Far As The Eye Can See
5. Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere

The best in Hard Music:

1. Converge - No Heroes
2. Deftones – Saturday Night Wrist
3. Mastodon – Blood Mountain
4. Genghis Tron - Dead Mountain Mouth
5. Blood Brothers – Young Machetes

The best in Hip-Hop:

1. The Roots – The Game
2. Ghost Face – Fish Scale
3. Mos Def – True Magic
4. Lupe Fiasco – Food & Liquor
5. Jay-Z - Kingdom Come

And finally we come to The Best in Indie Rock. Now this list needs to be highlighted because while 2006 was a fairly solid year in general, the 3rd and 4th quarters were exemplary. So much so, that the following list would be easily interchangeable with a list dubbed, "The Top 5 Albums of 2006."

Take notice.

The best in Indie:

1. Mason Proper - There's a Moth in Your Chest
2. Forget Cassettes - Salt
3. Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
4. The Sounds of Animals Fighting - Lover, The Lord...
5. Maritime - We the Vehicles

Resident Metal-Snob's 2006 Best In Music

This year our resident Metal-Snob was less than please. And frankly, he should be. 2006 was a clearly poor 365 days for not only metal fans, but for any fans of hard rock.

(The exception being the absolutely retarded resurgence of old school/tough-guy hardcore which thrived this year. Thrived like a yeast infection)

Having said that- the following is a stripped down list from our Metal Expert, as you can see some cross-genre nominations were in order.

10. Nas- Hip hop is dead

[HOME] Nas

9. Slayer -christ illusion

[THE'SPACE] Slayer
[HOME] Slayer

8. Peeping Tom - S/T

[THE'SPACE] Peeping Tom
[HOME] Peeping Tom

7. Isis- In the absence of Truth

[HOME] Isis

6. Tool - 10000 days

[HOME] Tool

5. Muse- Black holes and revelations

[HOME] Muse

4. Thom Yorke- The Eraser

[THE'SPACE] The Eraser
[HOME] The Eraser

3. The Decemberists- The Crane Wife

[THE'SPACE] The Decemberists
[HOME] The Decemberists

2. Converge - No hereos

[THE'SPACE] Converge
[HOME] Converge

1. Mastodon - Blood Mountain

[THE'SPACE] Mastodon
[HOME] Mastodon

Dirty Frank's (Resident Indie-Pop-Snob) 2006 Best In Music

Ahh… blogging life. A place where any idiot with a keyboard and a few misplaced ideas can be heard. God bless the Internet. After being hounded by Elite Opinion’s head elitist for months, I finally broke down and decided to dip my toes in the blogging pool (which someone really needs to chlorinate, by the way – the water’s looking a little brown).

Since everybody and their mother does a year-end top ten albums list, it’s become so cliched at this point. To remedy this, I’ve had a brilliant breakthrough (which I totally didn’t steal from anybody). [Cue lightning striking]. I present to you… Dirty Frank’s Top 13.5 Of 2006.

Now, some of you may ask, “Why 13.5?” Why?

Because fuck it, that’s why.

13.5 Grant-Lee Phillips/ nineteeneightiesBy all accounts, this album should have been a MASSIVE failure. Now, I like Grant-Lee Phillips. I also like post-punk and new wave. But 11 post-punk/new wave tracks done in Phillips’ Americana style? Whose fucking bright idea was this?! Well, color me ignorant, slap a cowboy hat on me, and call me Toby Keith. Phillips’ stark reinterpretations of tracks like Psychedelic Furs’ “Love My Way,” Joy Division’s “The Eternal,” and The Cure’s “Boys Don’t Cry” stand on their own as legitimate work, rather than the sideshow that they could have become in lesser hands. This album probably isn’t for everyone, but those who can appreciate it will probably fall in love with it.

[THE’SPACE] Grant-Lee Phillips
[HOME] Grant-Lee Phillips

13. Forget Cassettes/ Salt – Otherwise known as, “Let’s suck up to Elite Opinion’s head elitist by including one of his favorite releases, thereby securing more space for my own columns.” Are you kidding me? The Top 13.5 Of 2006 has way more integrity than that. Right? Right?! Surprisingly, it does as Salt is actually one of the best straight-up rock releases of the year. Vocalist Beth Cameron sounds like Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, minus the recently acquired pop sheen. Now, I’m normally not down with what I call ADD-rock, which is categorized by shifting from one sound to another three or four times in the space of a single track. That shit usually bugs me to no end, but damned if it doesn’t work here. You need only listen to “The Catch” to see what I’m talking about. Although there’s surprisingly little info on the ‘Net about Forget Cassettes, Salt is definitely well worth tracking down.

[THE’SPACE] Forget Cassettes
[HOME] Forget Cassettes

12. Yo La Tengo/ I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass –
This album could have made the Top 13.5 Of 2006 for the title alone. Holy mother of God that’s a great title. As a bonus though, the album’s actually really, really good. Despite being an indie snob, I’m ashamed to say that this album was actually my introduction to YLT, but what an introduction it was. More like an amazingly eclectic mixtape than a release by a single band, I Am Not Afraid Of You… throttles you right off the bat with the opener “Pass The Hatchet, I Think I’m Goodkind,” which is almost 11 minutes of quintessential indie freak-out guitars, thick basslines, and crashing percussion. This is followed up by the bossa nova beat of “Beanbag Chair,” then by “I Feel Like Going Home,” which is as airy and breathy as the following track, “Mr. Tough” is poppy. And that’s just the first four tracks, kids!

[THE’SPACE] Yo La Tengo
[HOME] Yo La Tengo

11. Editors/ The Back Room As a middle-class jackass from Lancaster, PA, one of my favorite musical genres is post-punk, in which I’m including the recent post-punk revival. Why I identify with a predominantly British, working-class movement, God only knows. Probably because the UK gives us world-class post-punk, while the US pop charts are dominated by classless glorified karaoke. In any event, The Back Room stands as a great addition to the current revival of post-punk. Many have tried, but few have succeeded in accurately replicating the sound in the past few years. Believe me – for every Interpol, there are four or five versions of Kaiser Chiefs or She Wants Revenge. On The Back Room, Editors run the gamut from danceable rock (“Munich”) to dour dirges (“Open Your Arms”). Drawing their influence from the obvious sources (Joy Division, Echo & The Bunnymen, Gang Of Four) as well as some not-so-obvious ones (R.E.M.), Editors stand with the best of the revivalists.

[THE’SPACE] Editors
[HOME] Editors

10. Band Of Horses/ Everything All The Time – Rising from the corpse of Carissa’s Wierd, Band Of Horses’ debut on Sub Pop is striking, especially when considering the fact that the band looks like they may end up becoming a one-off project after the departure of guitarist Mat Brooke. Their possible break-up is a shame because Everything All The Time is one of the most refreshing listens of 2006. Listen to either “Wicked Gil” or “The Funeral” to see what I mean. Combining the chamber pop of Carissa’s Wierd with the country-rock of My Morning Jacket and the indie sheen of Interpol, Brooke and vocalist Ben Bridwell have created something that sounds unlike any other album this year, reflected by the fact that it can be found on numerous year-end top ten lists. Which is to say, other lists that don’t matter nearly as much as this one.

[THE’SPACE] Band Of Horses
[HOME] Band Of Horses

9. Ray LaMontagne/ Till The Sun Turns Black – Aaaaand the race for the title of “Nick Drake Of The New Millenium” between Iron & Wine, Jose Gonzalez, and Ray LaMontagne continues, with LaMontagne edging ahead with his newest offering, Till The Sun Turns Black. As the balladeer du jour for TV dramas as disparate as Rescue Me, Bones, and One Tree Hill (don’t hold it against him), LaMontagne’s smoky, world-weary voice recalls Astral Weeks-era Van Morrison. While his phenomenal 2004 debut, Trouble, was predominantly LaMontagne and an acoustic guitar (hence the Drake comparisons), on Till The Sun Turns Black LaMontagne employs more arrangements in tracks like “Gone Away From Me” and “Empty,” while doing his best Traffic impersonation with “Three More Days.” Stark without being depressing, LaMontagne has managed to avoid the sophomore jinx.

[THE’SPACE] Ray LaMontagne
[HOME] Ray LaMontagne

8. Sonic Youth/ Rather Ripped – Psst. Ever heard of a little band called Sonic Youth? They’ve only released twenty-odd albums over the past two decades and are one of the forerunners of indie rock so if you haven’t heard of them… where the fuck have you been and what the fuck have you been listening to? You better not say My Chemical Romance. For the uninitiated, Rather Ripped sounds like the best album that The Velvet Underground never recorded, especially when Kim Gordon eerily channels Nico on tracks like “Jams Run Free” and “Turquoise Boy.” Instantly the most accessible Sonic Youth album that’s ever been put to wax, it’s still got enough of their DIY aesthetic to make it stand as a classic in their canon. Try to resist “Pink Steam.” C’mon – I dare you. Accuse me of heresy if you will, but Rather Ripped stands among Sonic Youth’s best.

[THE’SPACE] Sonic Youth
[HOME] Sonic Youth

7. The Decemberists/ The Crane Wife Hyper-literate music snobs unite! Colin Meloy’s library-pop Portland collective, The Decemberists, has released yet another literary song cycle, this time based on a Japanese folktale. For those of you scared off by that description, don’t be. The album marks the band’s major-label debut on Capitol Records after leaving indie Kill Rock Stars, and is very similar in tone to R.E.M.’s major debut, Green. Packed with more catchy tracks than any of their other releases, The Crane Wife serves as a fitting introduction to the indie-fearing masses. Tracks like “Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Soon),” “Oh, Valencia!,” and “Summersong” could have easily received radio airplay and became modest hits, while song suites “The Island” and “The Crane Wife, Pts. 1 & 2” are fairly experimental, soundchecking R.E.M., Yes, and many others along the way.

[THE’SPACE] The Decemberists
[HOME] The Decemberists

6. M. Ward/ Post-War – I guess it’s somewhat shocking that an album this good came from someone who’s so closely associated with Conor Oberst. You know Conor, right? That lispy, no-talent, douchebag who should be husking corn, not releasing albums? Yeah – that guy. Well, unlike any (and every) overrated Bright Eyes release, Ward’s Post-War is a smoky, 3AM kind of record that sounds like it could have been recorded by John Lennon circa-1973. “Poison Cup,” “Post-War,” and “Rollercoaster” are melancholy ruminations that take on an almost ghostly quality due to Ward’s interestingly retro production. Lest you think this album’s all aural Xanax, Ward kicks it up with a rollicking cover of Daniel Johnston’s “To Go Home,” featuring backing vocals from fellow indie darling Neko Case, who just missed this list with her own offering, Fox Confessor Brings The Flood. Apologies, Neko, but at least you made the list in some form.

[HOME] M. Ward

5. The Roots/ Game Theory – For anyone who heard 2004’s The Tipping Point, it would have been fair to assume that The Roots’ best days were behind them. Well, Game Theory proves that assumption’s as bogus as Jay-Z’s “retirement” and “talent.” Music’s top hip-hop BAND (all caps and bolded for a reason), succeeds with this record where they failed so miserably in 2004. They prove that whittling down the jams and going with a more economical sound doesn’t have to mean becoming a radio-friendly sellout. “In The Music” and “Game Theory” rock as hard as anything on the band’s high-water mark, Phrenology, “Atonement” may be the first (or at least the best) hip-hop track to sample Radiohead, and “Can’t Stop This” is a more than fitting tribute to the late producer J Dilla. Game Theory is The Roots’ statement that they’re back in a big way.

[THE'SPACE] The Roots
[HOME] The Roots

4. TV On The Radio/ Return To Cookie Mountain – Talk about an album that sneaks up on you and grabs hold without letting go. TV On The Radio’s stunning major-label debut is the very, very rare case of a band jumping from indie to major status and not only being able to avoid compromising their sound, but actually being able to improve upon it as well. If not for everyone’s single of the year, Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy,” “Wolf Like Me” would be hands down the best track released in 2006. Go to YouTube and find their performance on Letterman and you will become a believer. They’ve also been stamped with the Bowie seal of approval by landing the Thin White Duke himself to appear on vocals on “Province,” while “Hours” and “Dirtywhirl” are two other major standouts on this phenomenal release. Plus, who looks more like a rock star than guitarist/vocalist Kyp Malone? Seriously.

[THE’SPACE] TV On The Radio
[HOME] TV On The Radio

3. The Format/ Dog Problems – Other than our soon-to-be-named Album Of The Year, this band was my favorite find of 2006. Kinda sounding like the bastard child of The Shins, Queen, and The Get Up Kids, The Format have got hooks coming out of their asses on the year’s best pop album, Dog Problems, particularly on “Time Bomb,” where singer Nate Ruess affects his best Freddie Mercury, and on “Oceans” while being backed by some funked-out synths. Plus you gotta love any band who writes a song called “The Compromise” about their former label ordering them to write a marketable, radio-friendly hit. How’s that shit grab you, Elektra/Atlantic Records? Stick to marketing James Blunt and Jason Mraz and leave the real music to the grown-ups.

[THE’SPACE] The Format
The Format

2. Pearl Jam/ Pearl Jam – If it takes the Bush administration being in power to get Eddie and the boys to record an album this vital, can we just make a constitutional amendment right now to keep W. in office in perpetuity? God knows it would probably stand as the administration’s greatest accomplishment in their near-eight years in office. Now, it’s been a long time since even the most hardcore Jam fan could defend one of their releases and as an owner of close to 100 PJ bootleg concert discs, I should know. But the opening quartet of tracks (“Life Wasted,” World Wide Suicide,” “Comatose,” and “Severed Hand”) serve as a gut punch that announces that Pearl Jam isn’t fucking around anymore. “Unemployable” is proof that their time with Springsteen on the 2004 Vote For Change tour was time very well spent, and “Come Back” is damn near Motown circa-1968. The eponymous title says it all as this is THE representation of Pearl Jam. Look, if even Elite Opinion’s head elitist, a self-proclaimed (and proud) Pearl Jam hater can get behind it, you owe it to yourself to give it a spin.

[THE’SPACE] Pearl Jam
[HOME] Pearl Jam

1. Silversun Pickups/ Carnavas – Ladies and gentlemen, your Album Of The Year. I have been pimping this band hardcore porno-style to anyone who’ll listen for MONTHS now. No other disc this year has hit as hard or as satisfyingly as Carnavas. Singer/guitarist Brian Aubert is nothing less than a latter-day Billy Corgan, minus the teenage poetry club nonsense and Courtney Love-banging. While they’ve been compared to bands as diverse as My Bloody Valentine, Devics, and Catherine Wheel, these guys are pure Smashing Pumpkins reinvented for the aughts. They’ve even got a female bass player and an Asian dude in the band – COME ON!! They take the feedback-drenched tones of the Pumpkins and infuse them with so many different sounds on so many different tracks that it will blow your mindhole. You want immediacy in your rock? “Well Thought Out Twinkles” and “Future Foe Scenarios” have you covered. Poppy hooks your thing? Check out “Little Lover’s So Polite” If you’re an indie-rock whore like me, “Lazy Eye” is one of the best singles that you’ve heard all year. And when it’s time to cool it all down and mellow out, “Three Seed” is so placid and dreamy that it’ll put you to sleep in a good way. I can’t remember the last time I fell in love this hard with a band. Simply put, if you don’t dig Carnavas, you really don’t like music.

[THE’SPACE] Silversun Pickups
[HOME] Silversun Pickups

So kids, there you have it. I welcome any comments or criticism you have of The Top 13.5 Of 2006. Of course, you’d be wrong, but you probably already knew that. Let’s all just hope that 2007 brings us the same quality that we’ve seen in 2006. With releases by The Arcade Fire, Bloc Party, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Cure, Interpol, Modest Mouse, Pinback, Radiohead, Rilo Kiley, The Shins, Spoon, Tegan & Sara, and Wilco on the horizon, I’d say there’s a better than average chance that it will.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

iPhone. Holy shit.

So the iPhone has finally been unveiled. And basically if you breathe air you want this thing.

And Mac chairman/owner/Führer Steve Jobs knows you want it.

He also knows he can fly and shoot lasers out of his eyes. Which would in most cases be a massive psychotic delusion, but as our Elite Opinion Tech-Snob correspondent said,

"At this point, if he says he can, I'd believe him."

That's no bullshit. The iPhone can do anything. Literally ANYTHING. Two models have been announced so far: a 4-gig and an 8-gig and the 8-gig comes with an integrated time machine

Which is ideal, because anyone who ISN'T impressed by this thing, must be from the far future- specifically a time when humans have developed telepathy and no longer need our silly ancient cell phone bricks.

Anyway, it looks like this:

And here's a list of the phone's features:

-Full net capabilities (with a resolution so good it actually makes surfing the 'Net on your phone viable.)

-Full email
-Mp3 player
-Video Player
-2 mega-pixel camera and picture viewer
-Full QWERTY touch-screen pad

And of course the phone itself is one large touch-screen widescreen badass.

This is basically science fiction come to life.

The phone's carrier is going to be Cingular and its release date is June. Starting price is about $500.00.

Go here for more details:


And try not to sell your soul...

No, not to Satan- to Steven Jobs.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Elite Opion Waves Goodbye to 2006

2006 is over.

And what’s to say about it?

-Pirates of the Caribbean 2 made 8 trillion dollars.
-Peter Jackson fooled the entire planet into enjoying a 3 hour long exercise in cinematic abomination, again.
-Harry Potter books have replaced the Holy Bible in 98% of the planet’s households.
-President Bush fired the Secretary of Defense and replaced him with the president's long-time aid and friend,

-Steve Irwin was FINALLY killed by a dangerous animal. Surprised exactly no one.
-Rap is dead. And not only dead; but doused in gasoline, lit on fire, swept up and then pissed upon by a homeless person who urinated his name across the greasy ashes, “Jerry.”
-Hard music has become a creative void.
-Micheal Mann still writes scripts you’d be ashamed to use in an elementary school play.
-Darrin Aronofsky is the greatest living filmmaker.
-Gwen Stefani, Fergie and Nelly Furtado are the same person.
-FX is the new HBO. Actually, tv in general is the only medium showing any improved quality.
-Donald trump is raw.
-American Car makers are fucked.

Etc, etc..

But let’s get to the good stuff. Over the next couple of weeks Elite Op will give you some of the best and worst of 2006 in several different medias spanning music, film, literature, gaming, tv and others.

Thank us later.

More to come.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas

Hope you got as loaded as the rest of us. Cya in 2008. Or 7.

Elite Opinion goes hunting for Trailer Trash.

So there are more movies coming out. God knows why. Most of them look horrible. But we've all become acclimated and acceptant of horrible movies.

Sure you probably won't even notice how horrific the following flicks really, truly are.

Get your trash on.

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

The most you can say about the first Fantastic Four movie was that it was colorful. And if pretty colors, moving quickly, excites and entertains you – and we all know that it does, you’ll probably enjoy the second Fantastic Four movie, as well.

The thing is… the trailer actually looks… well, good. See, FF never got the shameless media blowjobbery that the $piderman flicks get. So while it’s VERY much in the same vein as $pidey, it’s like the unloved step-son. The underdog, if you will.

And so FF is better. And if you’re okay with that (and we’ve just given you permission to be okay with that) then indulge yourself and watch a teaser clip from one of the coolest chase scenes in recent memory:

FF Rise of the SS Trailer

Oh and,


Curse of the Golden Flower

Yimou Zhang is the Chinese director responsible for Hero and House of Flying Daggers. And either he’s found his niche, or the Chinese government’s found his children, because he’s holding to his formula tighter than a Taiwanese hand job. You know this movie already, and you either like it – or you don’t.

Curse of the Golden Monkey Trailer

Ghost Rider

Nick Cage will do any movie. The guy has lost his mind. That or lost all of his money gambling and owes the Mob an ungodly sum. Regardless, movies simply do not get worse than this. They don’t. There is no reason why you should watch this trailer. And if you watch this movie, willingly, you’ll either strangle yourself on a noose you fashioned from your underwear or belt, or you’ll simply claw your eyes out of your skull and spend the rest of your days haunting LA as the living dead in search of brains and Cage’s agent.

Ghost Career Trailer

I mean, National Treasure- what the fuck.


Transformers Trailer

Why the fuck is Shia Lebeof wearing a STROKES T-shirt?? Doesn’t that little shit read this blog? You see, this is what happens when people don’t read Elite Opinion. Now the whole premise for this movie is skewed, I’m not going to buy giant transforming robots from outer space when you try to tell me ANYONE is still wearing a Strokes T-shirt.

It’s just too unbelievable.

What is this, 2001?

And what sort of a name is Shia Lebeof??? It’s like one of those puzzles where the letters of a word are all scrambled and you have to rearrange them to make sense. A goddamn Anagram.

Beef of Shila.

Look, Elite Op just broke The Da Vinci Code.


...this trailer… doesn’t look… all that… bad.

There, we said it.