Elite Opinion goes hunting for Trailer Trash.
|So there are more movies coming out. God knows why. Most of them look horrible. But we've all become acclimated and acceptant of horrible movies.|
Sure you probably won't even notice how horrific the following flicks really, truly are.
Get your trash on.
The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
The most you can say about the first Fantastic Four movie was that it was colorful. And if pretty colors, moving quickly, excites and entertains you – and we all know that it does, you’ll probably enjoy the second Fantastic Four movie, as well.
The thing is… the trailer actually looks… well, good. See, FF never got the shameless media blowjobbery that the $piderman flicks get. So while it’s VERY much in the same vein as $pidey, it’s like the unloved step-son. The underdog, if you will.
And so FF is better. And if you’re okay with that (and we’ve just given you permission to be okay with that) then indulge yourself and watch a teaser clip from one of the coolest chase scenes in recent memory:
FF Rise of the SS Trailer
Curse of the Golden Flower
Yimou Zhang is the Chinese director responsible for Hero and House of Flying Daggers. And either he’s found his niche, or the Chinese government’s found his children, because he’s holding to his formula tighter than a Taiwanese hand job. You know this movie already, and you either like it – or you don’t.
Curse of the Golden Monkey Trailer
Nick Cage will do any movie. The guy has lost his mind. That or lost all of his money gambling and owes the Mob an ungodly sum. Regardless, movies simply do not get worse than this. They don’t. There is no reason why you should watch this trailer. And if you watch this movie, willingly, you’ll either strangle yourself on a noose you fashioned from your underwear or belt, or you’ll simply claw your eyes out of your skull and spend the rest of your days haunting LA as the living dead in search of brains and Cage’s agent.
Ghost Career Trailer
I mean, National Treasure- what the fuck.
Why the fuck is Shia Lebeof wearing a STROKES T-shirt?? Doesn’t that little shit read this blog? You see, this is what happens when people don’t read Elite Opinion. Now the whole premise for this movie is skewed, I’m not going to buy giant transforming robots from outer space when you try to tell me ANYONE is still wearing a Strokes T-shirt.
It’s just too unbelievable.
What is this, 2001?
And what sort of a name is Shia Lebeof??? It’s like one of those puzzles where the letters of a word are all scrambled and you have to rearrange them to make sense. A goddamn Anagram.
Beef of Shila.
Look, Elite Op just broke The Da Vinci Code.
...this trailer… doesn’t look… all that… bad.
There, we said it.