Sunday, April 29, 2007

The Dirty Whirl

This week one of Elite Op's premier writers struck out on his own.

It's like we had this beautiful little egg. And we warmed this egg and watched it closely. Until one day the egg hatched. And out popped this little foul-mouthed, over-zealous, scathing-tongued bastard. And now that little monster has flown away to start a nest of his own.

And that nest is called The Dirty Whirl.

All joking aside, Dirty Frank (or Jeremy, sometimes) is one helluva a writer and an unbelievable resource for cutting edge media commentary. He's a writer worthy of serious note, as he is only beginning a career that will surely spiral out of control into controversy, 1st amendment abuse and glorious elitism.

Fly on our little bird of prey, fly on.

Check out Dirty's blog (and a review of the new Shin's album) here:

The Dirty Whirl

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

How To Ruin the Acoustic Guitar

Tom Morello is the mastermind behind Rage Against the Machine's electronic avalanches of funk and metal. The man is easily a guitar-god.

And he hates your fucking ears.

This is Morello's acoustic/folk solo album. And this is what the end of someone's career sounds like. There are thousands of clever, harmful adjectives and nouns waiting in the barrel. There's a veritable arsenal of brutal online devastation just yearning for someone to pull the trigger, and absolutely slaughter the balls off of this album.

But it would be a waste. Because this is so bad it's just not worth it.

Yes, a website that revels in over-the-top, grossly verbose lyrical abuse is turning down the chance to unload rivers of slander and malice.

It is. That. Bad.

Don't go here and don't listen any of the songs:

[THE'SPACE] The Nightwatchman

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Elite Opinion On Graphic Arts: Sophie Toulouse

In 1871 the first Impressionist exhibit was held in Paris, featuring such up and coming artists as Monet, Cezanne, and Manet. The show was about as well received as a telemarketing scam — it made no money, and was ripped to shreds by Parisian critics. Today, an original Monet will run you somewhere in the realm of 25–30 mil, and his prints have been translated onto everything from coffee mugs, to mouse pads, to fill in the blank with a whole array of other stupid shit that no real art enthusiast would buy. But the point is that the Impressionists weren’t just onto something, they were an essential step in the transition to modern art (not to mention the most profitable fine art style in western history). The French aren’t just annoying — they’re unworthy.

Case in point: Paris-based Graphic Artist, Sophie Toulouse.

Sure, she’s garnered slight acclaim in her home country, but this one is smart enough to whore herself out to the likes of some big dicks of American industry (such as IBM and Nike), while still keeping a comparatively low profile.

As if this weren’t enough, she’s also completely broke (the archetypical artist), surprisingly good-looking, soaked in talent and entirely self-taught. But before you write your vows, know that Sophie Toulouse is the absolute epitome of schizophrenia — completely insane. She perceives reality like a “slut on acid” — a reference to the Vonnegut novel that inspired the tweaked-out alternate universe called, “The Nation of Angela” that Toulouse has shaped for herself.

The Nation of Angela, as well as an astonishing portfolio of print art can be seen on her website.

-Whiskey Jones

[Home] Sophie Toulouse

In memory of Kurt Vonnegut

Monday, April 09, 2007

Elite Opinion spins: Cold War Kids

Cold War Kids/ Robbers & Cowards

Ever wonder what a Walkmen album would sound like if almost every track was as good as “The Rat”? Well, kids, look no further than Fullerton, CA’s Cold War Kids’ striking debut, Robbers & Cowards. Elite Opinion’s probably about the 658,471th blog to talk about this album, but we’re just fashionably late to the party – only the fucking losers get there first. Although Robbers & Cowards is their debut full-length, Cold War Kids have been setting the mood for years with three well-received EPs. Right off the bat, album opener “We Used To Vacation” hits brutally hard delivering a harrowing account of the ravages of alcoholism on a family. And these magnificent bastards don’t let up on the next track, one of Robbers & Cowards' standouts, “Hang Me Up To Dry,” a song powered by a filthy guitar riff that hangs in the air like a cloud of smog. Listen closely to spot influences ranging from the aforementioned The Walkmen, as well as Jack White, Jeff Buckley and others, all of whom Cold War Kids use to fashion one of 2006’s best releases.

-Dirty Frank

Dirty Rating: 87/100

[THE ‘SPACE] Cold War Kids
[HOME] Cold War Kids

Elite Opinion spins: Aberdeen City

Aberdeen City/ The Freezing Atlantic

Are we sure that Aberdeen City isn’t actually Longwave under another name? And if, as a band, you’re going to ape someone you should really try to pick an act more significant than Longwave. Really. Sure, the single “God Is Going To Get Sick Of Me” is a good track but one song does not an album make, which is a lesson that Aberdeen City is going to have to learn in order to sustain any semblance of a career.

The Freezing Atlantic proves to be nothing more than a resounding thud of boredom. Nothing really stands out – good or bad – which is sometimes even worse than outright sucking. At least it’s fun to rip on shit like that. Blah.


Dirty Rating: 53/100

[THE SPACE] Aberdeen City
[HOME] Aberdeen City

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Elite Op Spins the New Hot Cross Album

In any town, in any county, anywhere in the world, there is a bar. And in that bar there is a man. And that man is a living, breathing weapon. He’s the most dangerous dude in the bar.

Well Hot Cross used to be that guy.

Hot Cross used to be the most dangerous dude in the bar.

What made these boys so horrendously treacherous was that they came packing more barrels than anyone else. They could fire punches with both hands and launch kicks with both feet; a quadruple threat; Hot Cross sported two vocalists and duel simultaneously shredding barrages of spastic guitar.

And this four-way combo was monstrous.

But one day, the band comes back to town and it’s lost a few limbs. One day Hot Cross released Risk Revival. That’s where things go south. Because while Revival is a bold and ambitious attempt to capture or even progress the sound that these boys have carved for themselves, the bottom line is that this band is not about one vocalist and one guitarist. It’s just not.

There are a million other one-punch, one-kick bands out there and unfortunately, they’ve been doing their thing a lot longer and a lot better than Hot Cross. The boys still deserve credit for throwing themselves into frays with the same reckless abandon they’ve always had, but at the end of the day – this group just isn’t as dangerous as it used to be. Still there is no one else on the planet who sounds like the 'Cross. So even on EVR - we still enjoy 'em.

[THE'SPACE] Hot Cross

Elite Op Spins Cary Brothers

After his track, “Blue Eyes,” received prime exposure on the soundtrack to his college buddy Zach Braff's Garden State, Cary Brothers (Editor’s note: This isn’t actually a band or two brothers, but one dude, named Cary P. Brothers) has managed to snag placement in yet another Braff film, while also drafting his buddy to lens the video for his latest EP’s top track, “Ride.” As yet unsigned, Brothers brings more of the pop-folk sensibilities of his debut EP, All The Rage, to Waiting For Your Letter. Reminiscent of the electronica/folk fusion of David Gray’s White Ladder, Brothers employs skittering drumbeats on “Ride” and “Wasted One,” while opting for full-on Brendan Benson-ish pop on the title track. Short and sweet at only five tracks, Waiting For Your Letter serves to whet listeners’ appetites for Brothers’ eventual full length.


Dirty Rating: 83/100

[THE ‘SPACE] Cary Brothers
[HOME] Cary Brothers

(Editors Note II: D. Frank has a roaring hard on for all-things Braff.)

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

There is no god

Get the kids out of the room. Now.

Ladies and Gentleman, Elite Opinion presents: How To Ruin a Car Company.

(Warning: Viewing the following images my cause some to go blind or at the very least, wish they were blind.)

In what may be one of the worst automotive design blunders in history Subaru has managed to launch a tide of universal vomiting from both the international car media and collective automotive fans, world-wide. Message boards and Auto mag websites are howling in contempt. And just to make it clear that this isn't more Elite Op rampant exaggeration here's a quote from

"Holy bejeebus—what happened to its face?"

If there is a god, than he hath spoken.

And he says that he hates Subaru.


If Mcdonald's announced they'd purchased all of the ovens used in concentration camps during WWII and then announced that they would be using these ovens to cook their new line of McHollocaust Burgers - maybe that would be a worse business move. But we'd still have to taste the burgers first, to know for sure.

Now we're not saying this is the worst car design mistake ever-

Wait no, that's exactly what we're saying.

This is probably the worst automotive design mistake, ever.