The Gun Goes to see 300

300 is like an over budgeted holiday parade, on Novocaine. Good for a few sort seconds, but ultimately numb and oddly, slow. Yes, this movie is one of the most beautiful and visually poetic war peices ever essembled. Unfortunately, 300's inherent optic majesty isn't quite enough to save this movie from itself. The awkward and clumsy attempt to force a multilayer narrative into what should have been a straight forward 120 minute bloodbath neuters any real virility or edge the movie may have had. And while the film's production teams were clearly stellar, Zack Snyder handles the camera like a drunken uncle at a child's birthday party; all of the best action is shot out of focus, at the wrong angles and then cut abruptly and poorly. Battles are reduced to stuttering montages of slow motion yells and plummeting blades and while every frame is gorgeous in its own right - in motion things never feel visceral or moving as a mammoth hand to hand slaughterhouse should. Both movies like Saving Private Ryan and Braveheart portray action in a much, much more tangible and arresting way. Still, the fusion of CGI and live action is unparalleled and the imaginative rendering of color and lighting is phenomenal. At the very least 300 is a departure from the norm. Additionally the soundtrack is like something out of the choirs of hell and the casting is rarely lacking. And for these reasons, 300 is worth viewing, because for all of its faults there are few like it and accordingly it deserves credit. Even if the king of Sparta has a Scottish accent. "Old Milwaukee IS A BEER FOR QUEEERRSSSS!" Elite Opinion gives this movie 3 out of 5 bullets.