Music That's Not Nearly As Good As You. Week 1

Originaly posted on 5/3/06 on Last.Fm This is the evil twin brother to my other weekly post. These are bands and albums that you should avoid like the HIV. So I don't want to hear it. You've been warned. Wolfmother – S/t If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery these guys are giving out free blow jobs to anyone who owned a guitar between 1965 and 1983. Tom Zé - Estudando o Pagode Have you heard of this album? Yeah? Why. For those of you who you haven’t heard of O Pagode, don’t go and ruin a good thing. I think this album might actually be a soundtrack for a cartoon show, on Telemundo. If you ever wonder why the hell professional music reviewers get off on this kind of record it’s because after listening to 400 bands aping either The Arcade Fire or My Chemical Romance a soundtrack to a Spanish cartoon show sounds like a triumphant blast from the choirs of heaven descending in rapture to take your sorry ass to paradise. The Strokes - First Impressions of Earth I hated this band when they were cool. I hated this band when they weren’t cool. And guess what- three albums, a new producer and a new outlook on their career later- And I still hate the mother fucking Stokes. At least in their first album they didn’t bother to sober up the lead singer before he slurred his way through though 11 tracks of monotone rambling. And just when I thought he couldn’t get any worse I got a nice fat surprise: this time around my least favorite front man sounds like he’s off the bottle and nearly as bored and miserable as ‘First Impressions of Earth’ makes me. I’ll buy you a beer dude. Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I Am Not Oh good. I had almost gotten the stink of the Kaiser Chiefs and Franz Ferdinand out of my skull. Glad to see we’ve got new contender for the brit-rock ‘let’s ruin indie rock’ competition. Hey rehashing rock music written 30 years ago is sooo weak. Now rehashing the bands who rehashed rock music written 30 years ago, that’s sheik. No, that’s Satan launching a personal attack against the eight of us who still have good taste on this sad titling globe. And it’s working.